Tourette Syndrome: From Victimization to Completeness and Growth

Tourette Syndrome: From Victimization to Completeness and Growth

In this post, I want to talk about the concept of victimization, and how it has affected my life in the context of Tourette Syndrome.

As I approach the age of fifty and look back, I recognize three central stages in my life that revolve around the syndrome: life before the diagnosis, life in the shadow of the feeling of victimization, and the current stage – life of completion, acceptance and fulfillment.

Stage One: Life Before the Diagnosis

As a child, on Kibbutz Palmachim, I was a stubborn and competitive child. When I wanted something – I got it. The daycare workers always said that I was the first child to climb to the top of the Kurkar Hill, as if I had an inner drive to always be first and succeed in everything. On the other hand, if I didn’t want to do something, nothing could motivate me. I was a very sociable child, surrounded by friends and good relationships. All of that changed at the age of 13, when I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome.

The second stage: Living in the shadow of the victims

My parents always raised me not to feel sorry for myself and to deal with what is, but looking back, I must admit that I didn't always act that way. Since the diagnosis, for many years, I saw myself as a victim of the disease and did not take full responsibility for my life.

The big miss was that my environment was actually amazing. I remained a sociable child, and my friends never made a big deal about Tourette's; they saw beyond the syndrome, they simply saw Idan. The change, then, was all within me. Instead of living by the values ​​I had absorbed at home and coping, I sank into the feeling that life was harassing me.

Although I did not give up completely – I fought for three years to volunteer for the army and served an amazing ten years in the Air Force – but deep down I surrendered too often to this feeling of victimhood, which was in complete contradiction to everything I had been raised to believe.

The Third Stage: Acceptance and Choosing Life

About seventeen years ago, following deep conversations with my sister and parents, I underwent a change in my perspective. I realized that everyone has their own "case," and that Tourette's syndrome does not make me a less good or inferior person than others. It is simply a limitation that I have to learn to live with and make the most of. While I cannot control Tourette's, I can control the way I respond to it.

I chose to focus on the good: on my family and amazing friends who support me, and on my desire to be an inspiration to other people with disabilities, and to show them that it is possible to lead full and normal lives with the right support network.

Since accepting Tourette's as an integral part of me, my life has become much richer and more complete. I stopped fighting it and made it a friend – an integral part of the person I call Idan. I started lecturing about the syndrome, and discovered that I am a calmer and more complete person mentally and emotionally. The internal struggle that had subsided no longer robbed me of the same mental strength as before, and it was this acceptance that led me to a full and happy life alongside Tourette's.